On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
