Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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