Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
But we have bathrooms and they dont
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
