Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
