What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
