I looked at my own cervix.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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