4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
