Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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