I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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