Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
