i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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