I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
