Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
