hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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