btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
