Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
