Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
