On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
even my farts smell like vagina
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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