I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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