My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize