well I can't set my house on fire every night
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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