how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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