So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
it was like eating out sand paper
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Randomize
