I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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