Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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