So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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