i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
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