Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
