My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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