Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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