Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize