You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I think my moral compass just broke
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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