i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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