Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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