So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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