I can't watch pbs sober anymore
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize
