We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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