I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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