I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
it's like heaven, but drunker
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
