Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize