Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
