There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I haven't been this sober since birth.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
