history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
