It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
