Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize