I could make wine with my vomit
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
