I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
