Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
