I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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