We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize