sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
