I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I am one with the molecules
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
