Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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