can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
