soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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