I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize