Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Randomize
