Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
