Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
he high fived his dick after we had sex
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
