What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
