mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
