It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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