she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
