How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Damn victory sex feels great
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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