You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
