I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
