I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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